Why We Don’t Talk About Money and Why You Should Start

When we see something as a private matter or controversial, it can become culturally taboo. In the US we’re taught, directly and indirectly, that we shouldn’t talk about money.

Some see the discussion of finances as distasteful, impolite, potentially uncomfortable, or too personal. This sentiment, intentionally or not, maintains the status quo.

Well, I disagree!
I say it’s time to rock the financial boat!

If you’re ready to build wealth, you’d better be ready to start speaking openly and honestly about financial matters, including your money history, habits, and goals.

Below are 3 reasons we aren’t talking about money and 3 reasons you should:

It’s Connected to Status

Money can be a very sensitive topic because our income and wealth determine our socio-economic status. The media (mass and social) is constantly there to remind us that more money = fortune, fame, and the coolest toys and tech.

Because the message riches = social status is everywhere, and we’re not supposed to talk about it, we’re nudged toward engaging in what Thorstein Veblen called conspicuous consumption, buying items to project, display, and give the appearance of wealth.

With no real information to go by, we become concerned we might be “financially inferior” to those around us. To ease our minds, we’re always on the lookout for signs that we measure up.

Some Food for Thought

What you perceive as others’ wealth may actually be evidence of immense, unsustainable debt.

Money is both more and less important than we believe. Building wealth helps you design your ideal life. It can pave the way to live a healthier lifestyle, learn new skills, start your own business, or explore the world.

Money is an important tool!

But the quest for riches, seeing money as a goal in and of itself, can leave people isolated, envious, and feeling they’ll never have enough. They may even start to believe that net worth = self-worth.

Try This

When you meet someone who has more money than you, try not to view them as competition. Instead, look at what they’ve accomplished as proof of what is possible. Perhaps their perspectives and habits offer insights, techniques, and strategies that you can implement.

We’re Jaded or Defensive

Think about your worst financial experiences. Perhaps you watched your parents argue about their financial situation. Maybe money is a source of conflict with your spouse because you have radically different ideas about saving and spending.

Have you been the victim of identity theft? We’ve all had negative financial experiences, and some of them have left deep enough scars to put us on constant guard, to taint the whole topic.

Some Food for Thought

The path forward frequently begins with reflection and introspection. It may take time to heal past wounds, but it is possible to change your willingness to interact with and react to money talk.

Try This

Journal about your financial past – write about experiences that have shaped your perceptions and the resulting beliefs. How did those moments shape your current relationship with money?
Practice money mindfulness – notice the feelings that various financial situations and thoughts elicit and your body’s physical responses to the emotions that arise.
Determine your money identity – do you see yourself as thrifty, a saver, a spender, a savvy investor, prepared for anything and everything, or more focused on other stuff.
Answer the question “Money is _______________” to reveal some of the messages you’ve been exposed to and have potentially internalized.
Replace thoughts that hold you back with those that propel you forward – craft money affirmations, statements, or mantras.

We Feel Financially Illiterate

Where you taught about money in school? I suspect you weren’t. I wasn’t either!

My financial education, beyond what is needed to survive in everyday life, started pretty late. I’m not sure I realized it at the time, but part of the reason I wasn’t talking about money is that I didn’t have anything intelligent to contribute on the subject.

Some Food for Thought

It’s never too late to learn more about personal finances and investing. No matter your age, geographic location, or what you do for a living, these topics are relevant. Learning more about money could dramatically change your trajectory and long-term quality of life.

Try This

Buy (or check out) a book
Listen to podcasts
Read blogs or magazines
Join a local or virtual group
Take a course

When I started actively seeking out knowledge on the subject, I remember thinking:

“How did I not know this!”
“Why didn’t I know this sooner!”
“I wish I’d learned this in school!”
“OMG, how could I have been so wrong about ______________!”
“If I’d started investing at a younger age, I could have retired ten years ago!”

Now, what I think is:

“We need to talk about this, we need to teach this!”
“I have to talk about this, I have to share this information!”

Educate and Learn from Others

By sharing your thoughts, experiences, knowledge, and insights, you can help fill in the gaps in what others know. You’ll also hear about new tools and technologies that may simplify budgeting processes, streamline investing, etc.

When we’re more open about finance, it invites people into the conversations who have previously been excluded, since silence on the topic has been limited to certain segments of the population. Would it surprise you to know that the wealthy have been talking about money this whole time?

Since I’ve started talking finance, personally and professionally, it’s normalized my thoughts and experiences. I now realize most people have very similar struggles, questions, and concerns.

Meanwhile, I’ve noticed how unique people’s motivations to grow wealth are:

Brian wants to give money away
Sadie hopes to travel the world
Ben would like to write books
Ann doesn’t spend enough time with her grandchildren

One big thing I’ve learned, since I broke the silence, is that what you don’t know about personal finance and investing can hurt you!

To Build Intimacy

Opening this taboo topic can build trust and bring you closer to people you care about. It’s crucial for couples to find ways to plan together, identify priorities, and create shared financial visions. Approaching differences with curiosity, rather than trying to convince a partner that your perspective is superior, can lead to deeper understanding, intimacy, and empathy.

Also, for parents, discussing money will ensure their children go into the world with the knowledge they need to build wealth rather than being oblivious, or worse, misinformed.

It Will Help You Reach Your Goals!

If you write down a goal, or share it with someone else, you’re one step closer to achieving it. As soon as you tell someone what you’re planning to do, they become a motivator, a cheerleader, and someone who can help hold you accountable.

When we find others who are on a similar path, they can help us tease out our vision, poke holes in our strategies, and perhaps suggest something that would never have occurred to us. Our financial comrades may also be mentors. They shine a light when we can’t see the way out, help us puzzle through, or (when we’re ready to throw in the towel) tell us exactly what we need to hear.

Going the Extra Mile

I don’t talk about money with just anyone. There are some conversations I’d prefer to avoid, and (although I share a lot, publicly) there are things that most people simply don’t need to know.

Once in a while, someone’s eyes glaze over when I talk about money, and that’s okay, there are plenty of other things to discuss. Conversely, there are people that I never have conversations with, for more than a few minutes, that don’t circle back to investing.

Perhaps, the best thing that’s come of my discussing finance more openly and honestly is that I have friends who challenge me to do better, to go the extra mile. And, at least partially because of them, I’m in a place I never imagined I would be… free from financial worry, able to chase my passions and live life to the fullest.

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